To my son who has yet to come into this world

19/03/2019Virgie

Our journey together in one body and one lifeline is soon to end and I find myself feeling excited at the thought of seeing, smelling, listening to, and holding you. I am still surprised at this because I can vividly remember that not too long ago, as I battled nausea and numerous trips to the bathroom, hours on end laying in bed because I was so exhausted I wanted to disappear into the sheets, unbelievably angry outbursts that took its toll on your father and sister and even all the pets, I had not wanted you. I hated you and I wanted to be rid of you. I am told its normal but I was still shaken with fear. I have fears that I would reject you and not love you once you are finally here. I am still scared.

Slowly, we had prepared the home for your arrival and now that everything is almost in place, I am surprised at how nothing much has changed. It is as if we have been saving some room for you in our nice, bright, and spacious apartment and waiting for you all this time.

Strangely, I still remember how things were with your sister and what I needed to make you as comfortable as possible. I have gone through the list of things to get for you over and over and have almost completed them. You are the only one missing.

Unbelievably, many things are different. When I was pregnant with your sister, my body was young and full of courage and strength. I do not remember struggling as much as I did with you in these past months. It is for this reason that we have decided that with you, our family is now complete. As I was shopping for your needs, I found myself reading through the lists of bests in this world that we could possibly give. A stark contrast to your sister who have had to use the cheapest items we could find. Back then, my family was young and struggling and we could not afford a number of luxuries in life. Now, when you are born, you will find that our family is a bit old, and comfortable.

You would be glad to meet your sister who I think is the most amazing little girl in this world. She will surprise you with her wisdom, wit, creativeness, and many talents. She will share with you her countless joys and diverse life experiences. She at times seems to be in her thirties even if she is only almost ten. You will love her as much as much as we love her, I have no doubt.

You would be happy to meet your father, who is somewhat old, wrinkly, sometimes stinky, sometimes annoying, but has the most beautiful soul your sister and I have ever known. He has beautiful green eyes framed with long and curly eyelashes, eyes that shed tears easily so you better be kind. He never expected to have a son of his own and he is much overwhelmed. To be honest, I have fears that he will spoil you rotten like he has spoiled our dog because he and I have very different views on discipline and rearing. I can imagine myself being the bad one in your eyes but if that’s what it takes to make sure you will grow up into a mature, disciplined, and well-balanced man, then I am ready to face that tune.

Your grandparents are old and I am certain that with them, you will find more happiness than you could possibly want. I am counting on the fact that your father was raised in this way but it seems that it isn’t true that one can have too much love.

And finally, I hope you and I would find joy and comfort in each other, and you will find me fascinating to say the least. I am not the most normal person you will meet and sometimes that works out to a great advantage but sometimes, it will test your patience. Please understand that I am special and without my various medication, I am a very scary person.

We all can’t wait to meet you and although we cannot promise that life with us will be all peachy all the time, it would be at the very least interesting. We promise to try our best to give you as much love and joy as we are capable of. We promise to immerse you in nature and make you run around and play in the dirt, in the sand, in the mountains, and the sea; to share our love for the earth and our commitment to leaving as few traces as possible in it; to make you grow into an animal-loving individual with the help of our pets and all the farm animals we plan to have.

You have not been born yet but we already thank you, for choosing to be in this crazy family of ours. May you grow up without regrets, and always think of us, your family, fondly.

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